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Posted on Mar 15, 2015 |

12 Days Back Home in Israel, 10 Insights from the Home Front- Nomadic Family Reunited

12 Days Back Home in Israel, 10 Insights from the Home Front- Nomadic Family Reunited

12 days back home in Israel and 10 insights that are screaming at me to listen. They have to scream cuz it’s louder here than it was in my home alone in Goa, but not really because my neighbors were this huge mass of vibrating, pulsating, emotional disaster and I would chose my own family chaos (though I am emotionally involved) over their mess any day. So it screams because the decibels in my mind have shifted and sometimes you have to raise your voice (the true one) to be heard over all the other competing chatter. I am in a calmer state than I have been for many years. Yes, I still got chokingly offended and wanted to escape in those two enormous fights Kobi and I managed to get into; yes, I cried and had a panic attack when all three kids whined/begged/demanded of me at the same time when we walked in the door and I didn’t know how to handle that much ‘being wanted’ after...

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Posted on Jan 30, 2015 | 3 comments

Hate, Judgement, & Wild Rashes- Unexpected Twists of Spiritual Healing Journeys- India

Hate, Judgement, & Wild Rashes- Unexpected Twists of Spiritual Healing Journeys- India

So my face rash is going down, but other things have come up. I haven’t shown you the rashes for my ego freaked out against it. Every cell of my vanity (and there are oceans of em) was against actually posting me looking totally beaten up and deformed. And yet, true to form, if I walk this talk of sharing “the sweaty, teary, and beautiful” than here we go. [Photos in the second half of the post.] I remind myself of the guy from Mask (not the Jim Carey one, the one from 1985 that portrays the true life story of Rocky Dennis , a red head with a massive facial deformity who had a blind girlfriend, and he dies right after he removed the tacks from his map of dreams because the parents forbade her to see him again, and he finally understood that the fight he was fighting to be accepted for who he was, was not going to happen. Oh, such a hard movie!) So, I look like...

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Posted on Dec 24, 2014 | 2 comments

Solitary Misery, Insanity, Blessings & Forever Young- After a Week of Treatments, Solo Healing Journey, India

Solitary Misery, Insanity, Blessings & Forever Young- After a Week of Treatments, Solo Healing Journey, India

  I come home (again) to my neighbors having guests (again). Really? The nerve of them! I’m sinking in the quicksand of my dire loneliness, fighting a war to the bitter death with my demons, holding onto fantasies and memories as if they were the last lifesaver for my drowning misery; and they are fraternizing. God! Have a little respect to those mourning around you, people! They’re so nice, so sweet, so cordial and kind to all, including me. But, damn it, I’m playing monk-in-a-cave, I’m twisting and turning in my own self-inflicted isolation, and you, one paper-thin wall away, and just so happy, happy, so God-damn happy! Solitary Noise Now, bless their dear hearts. I do like them. I do. It’s not their fault the Indian landlord built one house, put in one crappy wall and left a huge space between that wall and the roof  and called it now two. It is this that we share. It’s not their fault that I can hear them in the...

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Posted on Dec 17, 2014 | 3 comments

Utterly Broken- Day 1 Stretching Class- Solo Healing Journey, India

Utterly Broken- Day 1 Stretching Class- Solo Healing Journey, India

I’ve spent years avoiding the pain. Not sitting this way, getting up from that, moving just so to avoid feeling the almost constant pain that is, and now, today, that first two-hour stretching class on that clothed-off roof, and I pushed into the pain. I played with the pain, I invited the pain. It hurts and I want to move to not hurt, and Haim is standing behind me, holding me up ‘like a wall,’ he said, and making me stay in pain. Making me stay in it. “I don’t want to do this!” I scream inside. And he’s still there telling me that I can. “BUT I DON’T WANT TO!” (to myself) and the tears are rolling down my face. Miranda: “5, 6, 7, and 8, ” and Haim, “Look you couldn’t do that three minutes ago. You’re doing it now!” I want pizza, I want sex! The latter even more than the former. I’m a caged tiger. I want to avoid this, drown it, forget it,  consume...

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Posted on Dec 7, 2014 | 4 comments

First Evening Back in Goa, India- So Much Love That- Part of the Nomadic Family World Travel Hits the Road Again

First Evening Back in Goa, India- So Much Love That- Part of the Nomadic Family World Travel Hits the Road Again

so, the flights were not terribly fun. back hurt, was hard to get comfortable in any position, and an unexplainable volume of adorable yet terribly screaming and crying indian children. so, i’m exhausted and ran out of food and wasn’t feeling so hot for a bit. but, other than that minor anicca’ing. i cannot believe how perfectly wonderful everything is falling perfectly into place for me. when i came out of the airport in goa, miranda and ringo’s adorable driver was waiting for me with a sign. soooo cute! i love being greeted with a sign! as we drove closer and closer, i kept recognizing the hospital, this area of curving road with beautifully shaded trees, and just the feeling, madness, and exotic excitedness that omg! i’m really back here in india. i feel so lucky! and all afternoon and evening, as i drove around to see barbara, shankar (from the fruit stand), shanti (she sends dahnya her love), palavi (sends all of you her love) from vidya aranya,...

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