Nothing For Sale, Nothing to Flaunt, An Ocean to Share
Welcome to my empty sign.
That’s all I can manage to give you today, and I see it as a real sweet deal. Nothing. Nothing glittering, nothing flashing, nothing telling you that someone else or someone else’s life is better than yours. Nothing indicating that that something else is what you need, or that you are not good enough, or that if you wish to feel happy and whole than it’s just beyond this next purchase, or course, or website. I want to sell you into going into nothing, into sitting with yourself with no distractions, into hugging all the messed up and complicated layers of who you are and just be there.
And Then There Were Five- How Quietly Lovely Those Moments Can Be
Last week, I started a really lovely and long post about my family’s life today and growing up and into our being. I decided it was more spiritual and less ‘nomadic family’ and published it here on gabiklaf.com. In it I said things like:
Three are in the shower, three in the pool, and one’s gone home. She [again] didn’t feel comfortable with the sexually-infused banter of normal hormone-pulsing teen talk and the touchy-feely pushing-the-limits of truth or dare. And now, (I’m laughing as I type), they are all in the shower. Five girls, two guys, all in their bathing suits, a throbbing mass of laughter and hands shampooing someone else’s hair. I sip my lemon water, chew of this bowl of mixed dried fruits and nuts, and feel so unalarmed by my daughter’s budding sexuality and the openness of her relationships (I love her friends!) but got extremely unnerved by my now-teenage son watching some cartoon of two police men beating a baby and the mother to death and laughing.
and had reflections like:
I guess growing up and getting to know yourself, experiencing all that life exposes you to, being you in this world would be the common threads here. Common to my daughter’s development and friendships; common to my son’s choice of online entertainment (and the fact that I think he’s on for way too long); common to me growing into loving myself enough to listen to the multitude of my voices, which is where we’ll go next.
and other stuff like:
Can I learn how to look within, at my size (physically and emotionally), at where I am right now and just sigh into that, happily? Can I look at those jeans at the bottom of a thick stack of pants that no longer fit me and smile at them, knowing that I am whole and beautiful and complete just as I am, without any need to change? Can I look at my size, which includes all the abilities, talents, fears, hang-ups, and attributes that make me me right now and love them?
and a bit like this:
I’ve been within and with my life, with all in my deepest insides that needs to be cleaned and purified and let go of. I’ve been super involved with being in my kids’ lives and being there quietly and lovingly (Kobi is gone for 7 1/2 weeks and I’m it). I’ve been almost 100% offline and have learned to listen to my soul and follow the faint whispers (and sometimes, the heated screams) indicating where I need to forgive and let go. I’m reading again You Can Heal Your Life by Louise Hay and loving going through this process again. It’s good. It’s all good.
That’s that, you see.
When Kobi first tried to get into Houston Community College he failed so miserably on the English entrance exam that they wanted to put him into a two-year ESL program pre-college-credit classes. He asked the head of the English department to give him a chance to prove that his English was at a higher level than the test reflected. And so… he was asked to write an essay about ‘fences’. Sweet. We can do this! Until I hear Kobi whisper at me from across the room (in Hebrew) “What is fence?”
And it’s about fences. Who’s grass is greener. Always. And it’s about knowing our limitations and our borders and being still and at peace with being within the skin of our own lives. And it’s about knowing that this that defines me today, my fence, will change tomorrow and some other external boundary will define me, all the while, knowing on a deeper level still, that none of this is really me either. Not “The Nomadic Family” and not my Facebook profile and not this job, this degree, nor this country identity, nor this relationship. That I am just a spiritual body borrowing this physical one for a while while I play here on Earth School.
From Silence to Noise
So, I went online today to Facebook because someone asked me for something specific that required that. Within minutes I was overwhelmed and flooded again, knowing that online is not (for now, anyhow) my home. Furthest from it. I saw endless self-promotion and way too many details of way too many people’s lives all at once. My filters surely missed the inspirational word art and articles, and the sincere beauty of people sharing, helping, and inspiring others. I guess I did see it but it was lost under too much of everything.
Growth from Within
Just wanted you to know that we are here, and joyful. Joyfully learning how to parent three teens, be healthy, earn income, invest in our marriage, and balance all the beautiful and painful blessings we have. Going within, I hope, will continue to be my status quo. I just published Rebirthing Myself yesterday… which started out saying this:
“And so it is, sometimes, or maybe all the time but we just don’t fully realize it… You’re this leaf, vibrant, swaying in the breeze, feeling so alive and lush and moist…. and then you fall, it all does, all at once, and you find yourself in a labyrinth of dryness, death, decay, and darkness. And as you lay there, with all the wind knocked out of you still trying to understand where alive went, you learn. You learn that this is also beautiful. You learn that this is also growth. You learn that this will catapult you on your spiritual journey much more than peace and serenity did. And so you breathe into this, too, and find out how this too can be alive, in different shades and from different directions than you planned but all the same, alive.
And so I’m going through all the lovely and gross, gently high and sharply low, and beautiful shades of being a mom, loving myself, and finding my way. It’s truly exquisite. “
It’s a really good update on what’s up with us these days. I thought you may like that too.
So the kids will continue in what has begun as a really good school year. All three are busy and happy and we’re putting special focus on being 200% there for their developmental and emotional needs. It feels good to know where my priorities and time stand. We’re doing endless improvement projects around the house and finding joy in renting it out weekends and holidays (check out our slice of heaven!) and life is really good here on the mountain-side.
Speak. Leave a comment. Say hi. Or don’t. I’m loving every second of it either way.
Some of the best posts that reflect our personal insanity and emotional journey on the road:
If you’re interested in breaking prejudices and stereotypes, I think you will adore:
Photo Credits: [in order of appearance]- God, I so appreciate the art of others. I could write whole posts around just a picture. Oooohhhh, good idea! I like.