Top Ten Reasons I Didn’t Want To Go
Been digging up some very old writing from way back when I still had a kitchen counter. I read it now and I empathize with the woman over there, holding onto her laundry rack in the backyard like it was Mother Mary herself. That woman, she was scared a lot; this woman, she is too. She’s replaced old fears with new ones, she laughs fearlessly into the echo of what used to scare the shit out of her, but still manages to come up with new, exciting ways to freak herself out.
Yes, I’m better. so much so that I now fully know that if I were to lose everything I own (which means so very little to me these days) and everyone I love (which really comes down mainly to the five people in this one-room in Siem Reap, myself included), I’d be OK. I’m not tempting fate or saying I won’t crumble, but I now know that no matter what happens in my life, who comes and who goes, no matter how hard it may be, I can do anything, and that God wouldn’t give me anything that’s too hard for me to handle.
And so, I’ll be picking up these old posts about the fears and doubts I had in the planning stages almost two years ago. It’s fun to revisit them, and put them on the table before you. Got any fears that drill into your mind every night? Do share.